I can't stop thinking how I must have been hurting someone else to the point I felt it now.
Yup. Totally. Everything has changed completely when I met him. I know I am 26 years old now. I was supposed to be matured, success and busy building up my life and careers. But here I am now sitting on my bed in my room wondering what it could have been if my life took a different route.
I cannot stop thinking that will I be happy to have him and give up everything? I know this is gonna sounds dramatic but it felt almost like the whole universe was against the idea of us being together. Forever.
I have met a lot of guys. But none of them make me feel the way he makes me feel. I can't say it enough but he's bringing out the best part of me. He makes me wanna be better. He makes me feel perfect.
But, he left.............
Yes the guy I am talking about. The guy that I still could not forget after even 2 years left me. He has his own family. He was married to someone else. I know... I know.... I sound pathetic right now. Was it because I love him too much when I shouldnt have? Was I supposed to stay in the first place?
Was I not even in his life chapter afterall?
It took me 2 years to realize that you can do whatever you want. Be honest with him. Took every bit of him yet if he does not want to be kept by you. It's not gonna work out. He chose to start a new life with someone else. He made the choice to leave me.
BUT...
I know deep down inside of me I know him too well for me to say that he did this because he had his responsibility. He had no choice. He gotta do what's right even it means the right thing to do is to leave me. I thought I could have at least maintain the friendship with him just like how I am still in contact as friends with some of my ex(s). But I don't have the strength to do that.
Reality hits me when I see you and your wife were expecting to become parents. It breaks me even more and destroys myself thinking how will it look like if I am in that place. Memories that you gave me was nailed in my heart. It's as if it was imprinted on me.
Have you ever heard that you can still feel someone's presence without him being actually present in front if you? You can still see him smiling at you. It sounds crazy but that's how I felt. You still misses someone even if you did not know anything about him for almost 2 years. It drives you crazy how you try your very best not contact him as it might lighten your hope up. It is sad to think that...
At the very least.. we are looking at the same sky. We are breathing the same air......
Because you know the only things for you to hold on and keep you alive and moving forward in life was this......
